1. Life is not fair; get used to it. (Life is brutal, cruel, unfair and short. Tough.)
2. The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world expects you to accomplishsomething before you feel good about yourself.
3. You will not make $40,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vicepresident with a car phone until you earn both.
4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn't have tenureand he can terminate you.
5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different wordfor burger-flipping; they called it opportunity.
6. If you screw up, it's not your parents' fault so don't whine about your mistakes. Learnfrom them instead.
7. Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got thatway by paying your bills, cleaning your room, and listening to you tell how idealisticyou are. So before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of yourparents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room first.
8. Your school may have done away with winners and losers but life has not. In someschools they have abolished failing grades, they'll give you as many chances as youwant to get the right answer. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance toanything in real life.
9. Life is not divided into quarters. You don't get summers off, and very few employersare interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
10. Television is not real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shopand go to jobs.
11. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
12. Nothing in nature gives anyone partial credit for an effort that does not achieveresults.
13. Unlike Major League Baseball, you are expected to get it right more than 25% of thetime.
14. Enlightenment is not instantaneous. This is why all the wise people in your life --your parents and professors -- are crusty, cynical, old people.
15. The Rules for Life are not posted anywhere and subject to change without notice.You are expected to always know and abide by the rules, even if the rules do notmake sense or if you do not know what the current version of the rules are.