Lecture Notes Saturday 3rd 2004

Homeless Shelter Visit
What does home mean to us?
Do the people at the homeless shelter have Hope?
What about their family?

Hurst - publisher - tough upbringing - then tough later even though he made millions.
Orson Wells movie - End of Life - what did he remember as Home and good feelings? His home with his parents before they were seperated (through necessity). Use of imagery - what home means to us.
Click your heels - "No place like home."
What does home symbolize for us? (Mamma's house - because it was always safe there. We had rules, boundaries, and knew them. We knew what was expected of us and there was no role confusion there.)
To some people home is not where you are now.
What we've experienced as home vs. what people at the homeless shelter have experienced.
Home = events; places; people; past or present.
Pete Hammil - author - writes about Brooklyn and about being Irish.
(Conversation to Sheila about where Home is to her - and how she can still remember her way around town even though it's been so long since she's been there.)
nostalgia - we are a VERY nostalgic generation - are in a very nostalgic time - bell bottoms; resurgence of cartoon characters, etc.
Mom moved out of the house on Norwood - I realize that was almost traumatic - is there a point where too much stock is put into the Place?
Memory process...put it in perspective - to the people in the homeless shelter. What about their supports (or lack of); their home; etc. We need to consider this with everyone. If you remember anything - remember to think about their experience. Try to understand the meaning of the experience of the people we're working with. Whats the meaning of being homeless? Addicted? Etc?

"Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy" by J. William Worden who worked with Elizabeth Kubler Ross and her Grief theory. How-To; Applications of; Geared towards the professional.

Crisis/Loss & Grief
Precipitating event - what broke the camel's back...
WTCenter - people react differently to events - people mourn differently.
Symptoms: Confusion; insomnia; difficulty concentrating; depression; panic; loss/increase of appetite; stoic response (atypical but happens) - person may not even know about it (Jackie O after JFK assassination.

We need to know the extent of the personal strengths. Have they ever experienced crisis? How did they get through it? Are they utilizing available supports and resources? Supports can buffer some of the impact of the event. They can encourage time-out when a person may not see how bad it is... how much they could slow down and take it easy. Supports can also give hope... People are remarkably resiliant. In quiet moments when no one was around - how did they deal, what did they think, etc.

Grieving process - it IS a process - time limitations, etc. Emotional pain is sometimes worse than physical pain. Described like a roller coaster. Can go on and on for years... can come back, then you deal with it and go on.
If there's a satisfactory resolution... reinvest in life and relationships either fail or grow.
Loss - death, divorce, drivers licenses... health, freedom, identity (treatment for substance abuse - they give up something that's been a major part of their life), etc. Loss of lifestyle; sense of community; job; spouse; dreams; privacy; etc.

DABDA - Kubler Ross - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression & Acceptance is the normal process of grief. Resolving a loss can result in freedom. When helping people with their own losses - what do we do with our own baggage? (Baggage Tree - leave your baggage at the tree when you come home.)
What are the strategies?
Find out what worked before.
Get them to know that at least for a time they shouldn't be isolated.
Identify the stressors
Seek ways to rest the body and the mind.
Explore things that were once pleasurable.
Improve Nutrition
Maintain or regain a sense of humour
Religion... getting back to it or keeping it up.

Norman Cousins "An Anatomy of an Illness" - went to a hotel, lived for laughter, outlived some of his physicians that said he wasn't going to live. His way was not always to accept the negative.

Incercerated - do they get to go to a funeral? Inmate of murder - got to be with his mom in the nursing home for an evening with an armed guard...
Spirituality, religion - extremely important with some people.
When is mourning completed? Think about the deceased without pain (can have pain sometimes).

"Tuesday's with Morrie"
Death and Dying class in Purdue only - requirement was that you plan your own funeral.

5 Things Hospice wants patience to be able to say:
1. I love you.
2. I forgive you.
3. Forgive me.
4. Goodbye
5. to be able to get their business in order

"Grief In America" - film in class. Grief vs. Bereavement; Society and grief.

Grief is talked about less than porn. Death just isn't dealt with - we're unsure how to, it makes us feel uncomfortable. We'll use different words instead of "die" or "dying" - like, "kick the bucket," "pass away," etc. There are 141 common comments that people say, and 19 are helpful, 122 are Not helpful. (I cannot find on the web what comments are helpful and are not. If someone else is reading this and knows of these comments - please email teddy@gonewacko.org - that'd be great. 8)

Sandra Jacoby Klein is an author that helps gay/lesbian couples with grief because it's not dealth with enough.

Short-term feeling relievers may become inappropriate.
Most widely used is food. Another classic is Alcohol.
Grief and kids - delinquency because it's not dealth with. Grief is a social phenomenon - one doesn't adequately grieve alone.

What to say...
Ask open-ended questions (almost always ask those anyway)
Most people die not really having lived.
Let it all hang out - not fair to tell people that they shouldn't cry.
Closure is Very important - we need to be able to have that closure.

Tasks of Mourning
1. Accepting Loss - being able to talk about it... see the person dead... attend the service - it's a wrap-up of their life.
2. Experience the pain of the loss or it won't go away... be responsible for your emotions. It takes work to get better - doesn't just happen.
"The Grief Recovery Handbook" - Guided imagery, pulling kleenex out of boxes; etc.
3. Adjusting to environment. Define who they are without the person. Discover your strength to get out of the victim role.
4. Relocating the dead person in our life. They're still in your life - just differently. The only aspect that ever ends is the physical aspect.
Key word in grief is Agony.
Sadness changes from wrenching to mellow. Sadness - then people are growing out of it. No point in rushing life - we'll go when we go and we should enjoy what we have.Grief doesn't equal forgetting = honoring.

Also see the Grief Recovery Institute.