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Setting the Scene An Essay by Lord Colm We often hear about "scenes" in this lifestyle, but many people are not quite sure where they fit into D/s or how to make one really sing. Here I will describe their role in a D/s relationship and offer suggestions on how to prepare for one. While the term "scene" has several meanings in our community, I am speaking of it in terms of a specific BDSM-related erotic encounter. This can be in the privacy of your own home or an elaborate production at an annual leather convention. Where ever it takes place, the elements that make for a good scene are the same. Incidently, not all scenes involve sexual intercourse or genital contact. But before I describe those things, I'd like to address the question of "why do we scene?" On the surface, it seems obvious, doesn't it? We scene for the erotic pleasure it brings us. While D/s isn't defined by what we do in the bedroom, there are natural expressions of our lifestyle in our intimate encounters. For a dom/sub couple, there are few things more fulfilling than to be in those roles while making love. Frequently, however, the dominant has a different goal in mind when selecting a particular scene. It could be to expose their submissive to a new activity, expanding their limits. Perhaps it is another step in the sub's training. It may be intended to build the level of trust between the couple. Or it could simply be a gift from the dominant to the submissive, fulfilling a special fantasy that they have expressed. Some scenes are arranged to permit the submissive to blow off steam or pent-up energy, to be that bratty, pouty, stomping student. Outside of a scene, these behaviors would not be acceptable, but within this context, we can allow our subs to vent or act out various sides of their personality. What ever the reason for the encounter, the responsibility for setting up the scene to achieve that goal rests squarely upon the shoulders of the dominant. It takes imagination, creativity, and planning to orchestrate that perfect "captured slave" scene. Doing it successfully results in increased trust and admiration. Lack of preparation, on the other hand, often leads to a failed scene, loss of respect for the dominant, and a withdrawal from the "trust bank account." Perhaps you are thinking that all this meticulous preparation will take the magic out of the moment, that the lack of spontaneity will ruin the mood. It certainly doesn't have to, and it's up to the dominant to ensure that it doesn't. The dom can be churning away in their head while the sub is completely oblivious to the upcoming delights until you put your devious plan into action. On the other hand, building anticipation in the submissive also has its merits. Dropping little hints that something is coming, building excitement over a period of hours or even days can lead to an exquisite session! There are also times when it is appropriate to describe to the sub in deatil exactly what they will be experiencing. This is especially true when you are introducing a dramatically new activity or one where you know there may be some hestitation or fear. Which one you choose depends on what you want to accomplish. Now that you've decided that you're going to send your sub into the throes of unparalled ecstasy, what factors do you need to attend to pull this off? Jay Wiseman in SM101-A Realistic Introduction (1996) emphasizes orderliness as the key to success and lists eight basic factors that require your attention: 1. Time: Ensure you have enough time to see the scene through to
its completion without being rushed or becoming exhausted. As best you can, eliminate the mundane world's intrusion into your special place. Telephones, beepers, clocks and such are distractions. Having your mother call while you are in the middle of that "Spanish Inquisition" scene would definitely not be an enhancement. In whatever scene you choose, you are asking your submissive to suspend reality and enter into a fantasy world created by you. How well you do that depends upon your preparation. Do the neccessary planning. You may need to find a special location, obtain props, borrow a CD, pack the kids off to spend the weekend with grandma, or get someone to cover for your on-call shift. An Important Note: - Be sure you take some time after your scene to talk about it with your partner. Encourage them to give their honest feedback on what worked, what didn't, what they enjoyed and what they didn't find particularly erotic. Find out what emotions they experienced. This is valuable information for you. Without it, you may tend to assume that everything was just peachy, when in fact, your sub hated part or all of the session. Since our goal is mutual pleasure, provide your sub an opportunity to express their thoughts. With this knowledge, you will be able to make adjustments if needed. While you can't script out precisely how your sub will respond, you
can increase the likelihood that they will go to the place you wish
to take them in the scene. Plan it, organize it, and do it! Most of
all, have fun. |