1. Teddy Weiche is the 8th, 9th, and 10th wonder of the world.
2. Someone once told Teddy Weiche that "gullible" was written on the ceiling. When Teddy Weiche looked up, "gullible" WAS written on the ceiling.
3. Teddy Weiche has once made a lie detector lie. She then proceeded to torture it until it told the truth.
4. Teddy Weiche can stare directly at the sun.
5. GO passes Teddy Weiche to give her 200 dollars.
6. The painting The Scream is actually a picture from Teddy Weiche's camera phone.
7. Teddy Weiche's intestines don't digest food. They beat the sh*t out of it until it drags itself away.
8. Teddy Weiche never parks in handicap parking spots. She does, however, make sure that there are plenty of crippled people to use them.
9. Don't come out of the closet. Teddy Weiche will find you and put you back.
10. Teddy Weiche once worked at Burger King. In 24 hours, they changed their slogan to "Have it Teddy Weiche's Way."
11. If Teddy Weiche had been flying the plane in Top Gun, Goose wouldn't have died.
12. If Teddy Weiche says: "I need a hacksaw," get her a hacksaw. And while you are at it, get her some sort of bag to put whatever appendage Teddy's about to cut into. She'll like your initiative... and someday, that may save your life.
13. While playing baseball, if someone tried to steal a base, Teddy Weiche shot them. Nobody steals from Teddy Weiche.
14. Teddy Weiche is allowed to take the tags off mattresses.
15. Teddy Weiche got a 1600 on her SATs, just by putting her name down.
16. Teddy Weiche competes as her own country in the Olympics. And wins it.
17. Reading facts about Teddy Weiche is more addictive than heroin.
18. Teddy Weiche never gets pop-ups. Ever.
19. Priests confess to Teddy Weiche.
20. Teddy Weiche delivered herself by Cesarean section.
21. Teddy Weiche beats Minesweeper in expert mode with one click every time.
22. Teddy Weiche once poked the Pillsbury Doughboy, and it died.
23. Teddy Weiche can fold a piece of paper more than eight times.
24. Teddy's birthday is very important to her, for it marks the first time she ever caused someone a great deal of pain.
25. The human body is approximately 60% water. Teddy Weiche is 100% bad ass.
26. When Teddy Weiche taught her dog to play dead, the dog actually died.
27. When Teddy Weiche requested a cookie in kindergarten, her teacher told her"no" and laughed. Teddy replied by saying, "Look lady, I have crushed three ribcages since recess, rigged the fire alarm to go off right before the spelling test, and stolen a total of $7.50 in lunch money. So maybe you should be a little more scared of the situation you're in and just give me a dagum cookie."
28. Step-by-step on how to beat Teddy Weiche: 1. Don't try.
29. Teddy Weiche washes colors and whites together.
30. Teddy Weiche would win American Idol by literally blowing away the competition with every round.
31. Teddy Weiche sank your battleship.
32. Crosswalks weren't made for Teddy Weiche. If a car doesn't stop for her, the car loses.
33. The Hulk wouldn't like Teddy Weiche when she's angry.
34. Marines are often referred to as Alpha Company because they begin things. Teddy Weiche is known as Omega Company because she ends them.
35. On each page of Teddy Weiche's dayplanner are the words: Save the world, again.
36. Teddy Weiche learned alchemy to turn gold into lead. You can never have too many bullets.
37. Teddy Weiche has more lives than a cat.
38. Teddy Weiche doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
39. Wolverine tried to stab Teddy Weiche with his claws once. Wolverine's claws now come out of somewhere other than his hands.
40. When Teddy Weiche goes paintballing, she uses a real gun.
41. Ken dumped Barbie for Teddy Weiche.
42. Pi runs on forever in fear of Teddy Weiche.
43. Teddy Weiche plays golf without golf clubs. She stands over the ball, stares at it, and scares it into the hole.
44. Teddy Weiche does not push the pedestrian walk sign button. She gets a "walk" signal by approaching the street.
45. Switzerland chose to be neutral to make sure they were always on Teddy Weiche's good side.
46. Teddy Weiche doesn't need a belt. She demands that her slacks stay up.
47. When Teddy Weiche hears a police siren, she doesn't pull over. The cop does, and lets Teddy Weiche handle it.
48. Phone Booth was really about Teddy Weiche's day off.
49. Teddy Weiche can clap with one hand.
50. If Teddy Weiche says "your constitutional rights no longer apply," not even the President can overturn her decision.
51. Teddy Weiche can kill 17 people with a six-shooter without reloading.
52. One time, at band camp, Teddy Weiche took a flute and jammed it into a counselor's neck.
53. Teddy Weiche's cell phone would work even if she was a mile underground beneath the desert in the middle of nowhere... because it knows what's good for it!.
54. Teddy Weiche does not get revenge, she is revenge itself.
55. Teddy Weiche can assemble the entire contents of an IKEA store without instructions or an Alan key.
56. Texas doesn't mess with Teddy Weiche.
57. The new best-selling bumper sticker reads: "Teddy Weiche will beat the crap out of your Honor Student."
58. When Teddy Weiche played Duck Hunt as a kid, she shot a hole through the TV with the Zapper.
59. Teddy Weiche has only cried once, and that was because she ran out of asses to kick.
60. Teddy Weiche once worked on a oil rig. During that time period, the oil crisis was solved.
61. Teddy Weiche is so badass, her gun reloads itself out of fear.
62. Teddy Weiche once went hunting. Alabama is now mounted on her wall.
63. Teddy Weiche kills time for fun.
64. If you are not wearing underwear at this moment, then you are "going Teddy Weiche."
65. There are two hands that can beat a royal flush.Teddy Weiche's right hand and Teddy Weiche's left hand.
66. If Teddy Weiche had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".
67. Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Teddy Weiche sees the glass as a deadly weapon.
68. Teddy Weiche never retreats, she just attacks in the opposite direction.
69. Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Teddy Weiche's mind. Now he's sitting in a wheel chair.
70. Withholding information from Teddy Weiche is now classified as a suicide attempt.
71. Teddy Weiche doesn't laugh in the face of danger; Teddy Weiche is the face of danger.
72. If Teddy Weiche was president, she would protect the secret service.
73. Teddy Weiche's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Teddy Weiche.
74. Teddy Weiche doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because her organs are afraid of making her angry.
75. Teddy Weiche could strangle you with a cordless phone.
76. Superman wears Teddy Weiche pajamas.
77. Teddy Weiche doesn't have a firewall on her PC. She has a Weichewall. It's basically just a JPEG of Teddy Weiche. No virus has ever attacked Teddy Weiche's PC. Ever.
78. Life doesn't give Teddy Weiche lemons. Life asks her which fruit she wants.
79. Teddy Weiche does not sleep. She waits.
80. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Teddy Weiche.
81. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Teddy Weiche.
82. Teddy Weiche is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
83. Teddy Weiche’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
84. Teddy Weiche can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
85. Teddy Weiche gave Mona Lisa that smile.
86. Teddy Weiche can slam a revolving door.
87. Teddy Weiche does not get frostbite. Teddy Weiche bites frost.
88. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Teddytatorship.